Don't Be a Stranger

"Don't sacrifice living with Me for trying to live for Me, lest you render yourself exasperated, or worse, a stranger to My love."

Where some people hear a voice or feel a nudge on their shoulder, I get words.  And really good ones, too.  God's got great diction.

He put this on my heart a couple months ago when I was in a season of constant doing and very little being.  Upon realizing this, I just figured oh, well, then I need to add that to my to-do list: being. K, got it.  I'll even put a little check box next to it so at the end of the day I can review and make sure that I got that done.

Did I be?

Did I do my x number of verses through the Bible?

Did I make sure to not just pray, but to write it all out in my prayer journal?

Did I rest?

Check! And if not, then, Lauren, you better try harder tomorrow.  Be more productive and more purposeful with how and when you rest.

Well, I'm sure it goes without saying, but my attempt at applying what He was telling me didn't really get me out of the woods.

But why didn't it? Isn't that what He told me to do?
No, Lauren.  No, it wasn't.

Reflecting on what my life looked like, and has been looking like as of late, I've been realizing what's wrong, and at the same time amusing, about what I had and have been trying to do.  So first, things pile up.  And they're all "good" things.  Then, God being faithful and full of grace, shows me that I'm wearing myself out.  Dare I say it, I'm burning out.  So, what now?  Well, remedy it and rest!  Take time to "be".  (Now, this is where it gets interesting...) So schedule time for that.  Fit that in between all the other stuff you're doing.  Compartmentalize your day into work and rest, doing and being, serving and abiding.  Great, now everything's gravy.

Except it's not.  And that's because when it comes to any addition or subtraction to my day-to-day routine, my knee-jerk reaction is to view whatever it is as a chore and get it done.  And then when I miss those scheduled appointments to "be with Jesus", I guilt myself because I must not love Him enough.  So there, you have it: my mindset in a nutshell.  Everything's a chore; do your chores, and when you don't, feel bad for it.  The end.

I want to be responsible.  I want to be diligent.  Is there anything wrong with that?

Yes, actually there is- apart from Christ.  If He's not the priority and isn't permeating and transforming my desires and plans, then it's all futile.  Even in trying to live for Him, I can't bear real fruit by responsibility and diligence alone.

And that's because God's will for me is to be something so much better than anything I'm striving for in my own wisdom.  He wants me to be loved.  To identify myself by His heart for me, and to walk in that truth throughout the entirety of each day.

That's what it means to live with Him.

His desire is that we would not just know He loves us, but that that truth would be the foundation and basis for all our experiences, whether we are pouring out or getting poured in, awake or asleep.

Ephesians 3:17 "that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love..."

Whatever I'm doing, God, may it be stemming from a mindset that You are with me.  I don't want to live my life busying myself with doing things "for Your kingdom" if I'm not aware and positioned in the middle of Your presence and love.

I don't want to be a stranger.