Let's just cut the formalities here; I don't really need to introduce myself to you. You already know me, and most likely way better than I do myself. As for the other way around, well, I had heard of you before- actually, I heard lies and legends about you. But then, I saw you, heard you, encountered you myself. I stopped to listen, to hear your story echo in the hearts of others. And I realized I was completely wrong about you.
Which leads me to the meat of all this: I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for how I doubted your realness. I just always figured you were only a fantasy- at best, a "nice idea" or a "good guideline". You had just seemed so impossible. And in the few instances I recognized you as an actual person, I'm sorry for therein utterly disrespecting you. I flipped you off with the choices I made. I called you the fool and tried to sell some distasteful propaganda with my brilliant takes on life and God.
Making purity about perfectionism, advocating this ignorant notion that it was just about not having sex.
Oh, and hating men. All of them. Forever.
Taking your strong stand for women and making it about pride and feel-better-about-yourself-ment, instead of letting it be about becoming all that God's graciously created us to be. Instead of letting it be about the refinement and transformation of truth and love.
I did all I could to either protest you into nonexistence, or prove you wrong into impossibility. I lived my life this way because I wasn't willing to consider what importance or influence you could have ever born on me, if you were actually out there.
Also, well, I was hoping that, by a whole lot of grace, this might maybe become the start of something very fresh and good. Just maybe. Because ever since I caught that glimpse of you, I realized that you were so much more than all I had misconstrued you to be.
I'd like to get to know you. It'd mean so much to me to learn the inner workings of your mind and your heart. I want to know everything about the real you, from your passions to the posture of your soul.
I want to learn how to love and honor you with the decisions I make today.
It's sweet to know that I was wrong; you're not as far off from reality and not as far away from me as I thought you were.
I feel that there should also be a "thank you" in the midst of all this apologizing. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your forgiveness. I'm praying for you and am both humbled and thrilled to begin this beautiful journey of knowing you.
I'm sorry.
For everything.
But thank you.
For so much more.
With so much new love, new respect, and new hope,
Your Younger Self
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